The Legend of The Buggy

by
Jerry Rohlinger

It was on a clear evening of June 9, 1999 that the Board of Directors of the Portage County Historical Society gathered with spouses and a few offspring for their annual repast at the Heritage Park. A turkey grilled by Mr. Rohlinger, supplied by Mr. Anday, provided the main course. The gathered throng quickly consumed the golden brown bird and the excellent side dishes and desserts brought by the others. Only one thing remained to be accomplished that evening, the monthly meeting. Or so we thought!

Then out of the recesses of President Tim Siebert's fertile mind came the dreaded remembrance! An artifact of significant size required repositioning at the Park. Our gracious Lord, Tim, had again, conjured up a new project, to be carried out forthwith, without discussion or debate. His Lordship declaring so all his obsequious followers near at hand could hear. "The Buggy currently stored in the Bancroft Depot's freight room, had to be moved to the Museum". His Lordship further declared, "that this object would fit through the double doors of the museum without any effort."

Three unsuspecting individuals, misfortunate enough to be standing near His Lordship, were drafted for this task. Milo Harpsted, Jerry Rohlinger, and John Zinda, spouse of Most Honorable Scribe Karen, stepped forward to do battle with the monstrous black thing!

After 15 minutes of sweating, grunting, maneuvering, and silently cursing, The Buggy issued forth. The Bancroft Depot's freight room had surrendered its captive of nearly a year! His Lordship and three minions playfully wheeled The Buggy toward the museum anticipating an effortless conclusion to their task.

Arriving at the entrance to the hallowed museum, His Lordship and his three minions lifted The Buggy, carried it up the steps toward the gaping maw, and it didn't fit! Having been involved with the creation of a previous legend, The Safe, I immediately began recalling the unmentionable, hurtful things we had hoped would inflict his Lordship would re-inflict him. After much glowering at His Lordship for yet another miscalculation, we retreated down the steps carrying The Buggy to survey the problem. After several minutes of consternation, a voice of reason was heard. Young Amy, offspring of aforementioned cook, said, "Turn it on its side." All agreed this was the only reasonable method of inserting The Buggy into the museum.

The Buggy not weighing more then His Lordship (previously determined in anticipation of a possible lynching) we were able to flip it on its side. Then Milo voiced a concern "don't pick it up by its wheels"! This sobering pronouncement led to a more conservative approach to just thrusting The Buggy into the gaping maw.

This vehicle with four-foot high wheels, was not designed for easy grasping while on its side. After several minutes of fumbling around we elevated the monster up the stairs, through the door, and set it on its side inside the museum. Another unforeseen obstacle reared its ugly head! His Lordship had "misjudged" the space allotted to right the buggy! Again, evil hurtful thoughts raced through our minds! A mighty effort righted the buggy although a highly noticeable scrape was left on the museum's pristine floor as a reminder of our efforts. The four of us stood sweating thankful of our task's successful completion. When through the gaping maw strode none other then, Anton!

Having been a victim of the Safe, he had been amused by our pathetic efforts. But then! Observing the hideous gash on the floor, his nostrils began to flare! Lightning bolts flashed from his eyes! His Lordship immediately assumed a non-confrontational posture. Almost whimpering. The new arrival stated that HE would remove the GASH! And our presence was no longer desired!

Thus, ended another Legend in the ever growing collection of Siebert's Follies.      

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